2016 has been rough.
People died bc they were the wrong color, sexuality, religion, etc. but
somehow some of us were more upset about a dead gorilla. There was worldwide destruction, protests, & contaminated water (& not
just in Flint & North Dakota). We
were bombarded with each others opinions during a hostile election season &
we weren’t all as tolerant as we could/should have been. There were dead pop stars, environmental
disasters & wars. At least one
captured drug lord, a pandemic & the TV told us nothing was ever safe. Not a church, not a movie theatre, or a park,
or your office holiday party or the voting booth or your conscience - nothing.
Personally, my faith, marriage, health, career &
friendships were all tested to varying degrees.
I questioned God’s plans, I challenged my husband’s decisions, I
neglected my fitness, I took a risk with my career &I also judged many
friends as they shared their opinions of our undocumented/Muslim/LGBTQ/colored
neighbors from what I assumed was a pedestal of privilege. I started out 2016 so hopeful, so committed
to exhausting every opportunity that I was presented with; so determined to
impose my will on Cesar, on my body, on my friends ballots, even on my God’s
divine plans. And for the most part, I
fell flat on my face. I fell into a sad
little hole & at the bottom of that hole I found cookies & beer.
A couple weeks ago, I saw a picture someone had tagged me in
with a group of people & I thought my eyes were closed in it. But no, my cheeks are just that puffy right
now. I am NOT saying this fishing for
compliments – please believe me when I say that I am as vain as I am confident
but lets be real, cookies & beer is not undoing any of the emotions 2016
brought with it & now I am just uncomfortable. Like, if I cant wear leggings somewhere I am
not going, lol! And it’s a damn good thing idgaf what anyone
thinks about me bc the other day a girl (who is like 5’9, 110 lbs & doesn’t
age) said to me: “you’ve gained weight huh?
I can tell bc your face is SO ROUND!”
(as she gestures a wide pancake shape around her face)… & I couldn’t
even clap back because I literally had a friggin bagel in my mouth. So wtf was I REALLY supposed to say to
that?! LOL so I just nodded & chewed
aggressively. Swear like I was gonna
stop eating that bagel. Trippin.
All this to say though that I just feel like a lot of BS
went down in 2016 & I did not adult properly & deal. Instead I stewed. And I ate too many cookies & drank too
many beers & I stopped going to the gym.
So I am breaking up with 2016 & all of the depression,
disappointment, despair, discrimination & donuts it brought with it! It had some highlights, don’t get it twisted,
I know I am beyond blessed. But I am
human & I cannot front. Sometimes I
am burdened. I hope this makes sense,
please don’t misconstrue the message. I
am just saying, sh** was rough. And I
guess that is the beauty of it. That if
you’re reading this on 12/31/16 you
& I are still blessed to have able bodies & sound minds, and
God-willing the safety & well being of our loved ones. We even have this blessing/curse of social
media to communicate with/compare ourselves to our family & friends.
Idk what 2017 is bringing.
But I know that I am not going to continue to reopen wounds, I am going to let go & let God. I am not
going to be so consumed with the pain that I do not see the gain. I will recognize that the burden is the
blessing, and I will remind myself that His mercies are new EVERY DAY, that He
will turn my mourning into dancing. I
pray that the coming year brings you the basics, the beautiful, the blessings
& beyond. One love – S
#TLDR #harambeforever
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