Sunday, October 6, 2019

No Rain, No Flowers



It took me 30 lbs and 3 yrs to admit I was depressed even after a therapist told me so @ my second appointment.  I never went back.  I didn't have the "time/money" (balls).  But I do have God.  Disclaimer:  if you need meds take your meds. But also pray. I drank & ate A LOT.  I also cried... randomly.  I recently read that "the heart of everything we cry about is 'what may have been'" which is Tripas True.  As in SO true you feel it in your tripas (guts/innards).  

I tried to explain to C that I needed to do this and why but I just teared up every time. So when I told my mom last night what I was doing today & she immediately disapproved all I could say was "listen -  the miscarriage BROKE me emotionally more than anything in my life EVER.  I have a tribal tramp stamp tattooed on my ass, THIS is different. She said "you know how I feel but what can I do?"  *long pause*  "You NEED to name that baby." 

"I NEED to go home"... I gathered my things and as I held back tears & kissed her goodbye I cracked - "Francesca Ynez. I named her 3 years ago." 

Marigolds: traditional Dia de Muertos flower
Forget Me Nots: "to help you to remember" *clap, clap*
Psalms 147:3 because as I sit here I testify that HE DOES  ðŸ™Œ

Love & miss you baby girl  ðŸ’”🌧 ➡🌼🖤✝