Blitzing a BOLTrayal

I’ve started to write about my Chargers story at least once a month since the announcement but I haven’t been able to bring myself to finish it.  I’ve got decades of content but it just doesn’t feel right.  It’s not ~flowing~ from my brain to my fingertips, but writing about it has helped me understand why the Chargers have been such an important part of my life…

Idk what year it was, but I was little.  My parents & I were walking around (not shopping, we were poor) Plaza Bonita on a Sunday.  My mom went into Montgomery Ward & my Dad went into Radio Shack while I watched a game being played in the snow on TV thru a store window.  I’d only seen snow once before & I hated it so I was amazed @ how people could live in such weather.  I was so confused at what they were doing & why but I wanted MORE.  It was FUTBOL AMERICANO, & although I had the attention span of a goldfish I figured out that San Diego had its own team & thus I declared my loyalty to the San Diego Super Chargers.  I, like many of you, remember watching the 1994 AFC Championship game vs Pittsburgh where Seau was ALL over the field, Pupunu cracked open an imaginary pineapple in the end zone & Gibson had that fateful knockdown to get us to the Super Bowl.  That game that Americans fussed about & ate chips at.  THAT GAME FINALLY mattered & I NEEDED a jersey.  But, again, we were kinda poor so my awesome mom, in a pre-Pinterest era,  made my friends & I Charger bolt pins out of blue & yellow felt, so I pinned mine to my royal blue windbreaker & passed them around to my friends @ school & invited them all over for a SUPER BOWL PARTY!  Where we would eat the chips & win the game!  I BELIEVED we would win!  But alas, Stan Humphries & the Chargers got steamrolled by Steve Young & the Niners & I was left with my first blue & gold heartbreak.  I could not understand why they insisted on running it up the middle.  I did not understand the X’s & O’s. 

For about 5 seasons I worked Sundays & was left to watch high(errr…low)lights @ the end of the day, which wasn’t so bad considering this was around the Ryan Leaf debacle.  I did make it up to Carson one summer to watch them practice though, which is weird now, in hindsight.  In 2001 came LT, Doug Flutie & Drew Brees & I FINALLY had enough money to buy myself my first jersey:  a powder blue #21 *strikes LT pose, flips ball*  The following season my cousin Nen won 2 tickets to the Chargers/Chiefs game at school & she was awesome & took me instead of one of her  brothers – who were also Diehards.  I attended my very first home game @ the age of 21, with a 13 year old girl, in the nosebleeds, surrounded by Chiefs fans but WE WON – BY A POINT- in true Charger fashion!  I was hooked.  That day I decided that if I ever made enough money that I’d become a season ticket holder someday. I wore that LT jersey every week – even in the offseason.  I copped a couple pullovers in the offseason on clearance, which I threw into my weekly rotation & wouldn’t you know it?  I was rocking one of those pullovers the day I met LT.  I was interning @ Z90 my senior year of college & one of the DJs was speaking with him in the lobby.  I was on my way out but I stopped dead in my tracks to stare at them & then realized I was being weird & started toward the door again when suddenly Tre (DJ) caught up to me.  Momentarily retarded I asked “is that – is that really LT?” to which he said “Yea!  You wanna meet him?” & before I could reply he was walking me back over to him & my heart was racing & I started sweating.  When I finally got in front of him I couldn’t do anything but shake his hand with my right & cover my face with my left.  I just kept saying “Thank you, omg thank you!” to which LT said “hey nice to meet you Susie, that’s a nice shirt” I bowed & backed away in awe but can you believe it?  This paisa chick from the barrio with her clearance Chargers pullover purchased off my bakery wages had just shook hands with LT & he knew my name!!   I later realized he’d read my name off of my necklace LMAO but hey, how many Chargers have read your name off your jewelry huh?!  Also -  who BOWS?!  LOL!  I was still working Sundays but my Dad gave me a small, old school black & white TV that you could either plug into an outlet or into the cigarette lighter of your car.  So I’d prop the TV up on the bakery counter & listen/watch & try not to cuss between customers at the register.  Soon, my Apa started to share my passion for the Chargers so much that he got the old school Chargers logo (with the horse) tatted on his forearm with my initials -  ‘SD’ bc, he said, “you are the biggest Charger fan I know.” 

When I landed my first job out of school my Apa & I purchased half a season & thus began an epic run of bonding.  My Apa was always down for me.  He was hard on me growing up but he didn’t trip during the games when I got embarrassingly loud, took a zillion pics or chain smoked @ halftime.  I will always cherish those days with my Apa.  Over the next few seasons I kept running into (stalking) Chargers all over the city.  Rodney Harrison @ Foot Locker, Igor Olshansky & Nick Hardwick @ a gas station, Kassim Osgood @ the Tavern (who bought shots for the entire bar when I told him it was my bday), Drew Brees @ Hoover HS, Reche Caldwell & Tim Dwight @ Jamba Juice, Luis Castillo @ IKEA.  Countless more while I hung out at the Bullpen, a bar/grill conveniently located next door to the Cheetah’s near Chargers Park.  We eventually purchased an entire season a few years in a row, despite Brees’ shoulder, Nate’s missed kicks & back to back playoff losses.   My Apa & I were at the old moldy Q when LT broke the TD record, and we leaned over the rails as far as we could to watch the O-Line hoist the greatest running back of the decade into the air while we all chanted “LT! LT! LT! LT!”  We were also there in 2007 when we finally won 2 playoff games back to back & fair weather, bandwagon ass fans were literally popping the tags off the jerseys & hats they’d worn to the game.  Dude, the emotions the following week were crazy!  We were on our way to the AFC Championship & we had a bye & home field advantage & it was like 1994 all over again, but better.  Bc THIS time we were gonna win with authority.  But we lost.  We barely lost.  AGAIN.  By ANOTHER missed kick & I was drunk, and thinking about how I was moving to Hawaii in a few months & I did not know if I would ever have times like these with my old man & this team again.  So I cried.  I cried like a basic drunk girl on her way home from the bar without her phone or a burrito & the next thing I knew some lady was asking me my name & where I was from.  I slurred it & she jotted it down.  The next morning was MLK day & thankfully I didn’t have to be @ work.  My flip phone had like 15 missed calls & another 6 voicemails & as the hangover kicked in, I listened to each one:

** first message sent today @ …*  mija its dad.  Hey, uh, call me back ok?  Bye

*next message sent today @ … * mija, get up, gimme a call ok”

*next message …* heeeyyy girrrll...just calling to make sure you’re okaaayyy, hit me up

*next mess-…* hey Susie, (oh sh** - realizing it was my boss) just checking in, lmk if you’re OK…

*next* DUDE IM IN ORANGE COUNTY ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME (LOLS) THIS IS CRAZY (LOLS) ITS IN THE PAPER UP HERE AHAHAHAHAHHA”

*ne-…** mija, its dad again, call me

I called my Apa first.  I grabbed my cigs & put on my house shoes & called him omw outside to smoke.  He said there was a BIG-ASS picture of me crying in the tribune.  I grabbed my wallet & walked to the liquor store around the corner right then, with him on the phone the entire time, talking sh*t about the loss, puffin on my cig, dragging my chanclas across the pavement as fast as I could.  I flicked the butt & turned into the store. 

SMH.  No.  No.  No, this is not happening, no.  Oh, WOW.  Oh no, OH MY GAHHH *unfolds newspaper, jaw drops*  LARGE color picture of my faded ass in a blue wig, crying about the Chargers.  I looked over at the dude behind the counter & he was looking back at me laughing.  I’d seen this dude at least once a week since I was 10, he watched me go from buying candy to buying  lottery scratchers, cigs & booze & now he watched as I stood there, a hot hungover mess, smelling like empty beer cans & cigarette smoke, horrified.  His phone rang & he stopped laughing long enough to speak Farsi into the phone & cash me out for 5 copies of the paper.  I walked home wondering how this happened & then fuzzy bits & pieces came back to me & I recalled the small lady with the note pad & the questions.  OMG THAT’S why she asked me how to spell my last name!  I walked in the house & showed my Mom & even though I could tell she wanted to laugh she said “ayy mija” shook her head & made me bfast.  I went about returning calls, emails & myspace messages the rest of that day.  I went to a friends house that week & she’d set it as her screensaver. The next day at work someone had pinned the pic up in my cubicle.  It was funny, yes. I was super sad though. It’s never been “just a game” to me. 

Living in a different time zone before smart phones were a ‘thing’ made it challenging to watch games but I managed.  We’d still purchased the season & sold some of the tickets but I traveled back to SD for the season opener.  When I eventually moved back I was so happy to be home that one of the first things I did was get the back of my neck tatted with a bolt. My Diehard status was sealed in bloody blue & gold ink.  I had so many great times that season tailgating with my Dad & friends, but I was single & I really wanted to meet a guy who understood (among other things) what it meant to be a True Blue Charger Fan.  Somebody once said if I ever met the right guy that I would probably get married @ The Q.  I will admit that at the time, I didn’t think it was a bad idea!  Haha, classy! 

I met C online.  I was wearing a Charger jersey & an eye black sticker in my profile picture, we met 2 days later & we haven’t separated since.  Our mutual love of the Chargers has always been for better or for worse.  We have matching jerseys, matching tattoos & our anniversary (09/10) usually lands right before the first game of the season.  We used to live in an apartment in Mission Valley & that whole season we rode our bikes to the stadium with cold beer in my backpack & we’d cruise from tailgate to tailgate until Game Time.  So many good times chillin with equally Charger Crazy friends. My family & I may not always be on the same page about things but we could always agree on the Chargers. 

So when Deano basically text the city of San Diego to break up with us, I was kinda stunned.  Which is dumb bc all the signs were there.  For 15 years the city pointed the finger at Deano & Deano called the city names & it got messier & messier.  But I mean, really Deano, a letter?  Not even a press conference to show your stupid face?  No opportunity for a farewell season for the Diego Dedicated?  Junior Seau was probably turning over in his grave. Watching a “FIGHT FOR LA promo on YouTube the other day made me queasy.  I almost threw my phone across the room!    WHY will you ‘FIGHT FOR LA’ but you WONT ‘FIGHT FOR SD?!’  They don’t even want you!!  Clearly, I am still pissed. 

My Chargers story begins like a sad mariachi song.  It runs the gamut from a classic rock & roll hit to a Hawaiian reggae jam & even a wretched Taylor Swift breakup song.  Then the music STOPS.  And in the quiet, I had to figure out if I wanted to keep dancing.  I had to decide if I was still down to ride or if I was going to burn my jerseys.  I am a woman scorned.  But I am also business-minded, & I understand that this is business.  I am not spending any more money on this franchise.  I am not purchasing another jersey, I am not driving to LA to watch them play  or paying $100 to park,  I will not shed any more tears for this team.  I feel like I’m writing a eulogy.  I know, I’m so dramatic, but Chargers football has never been “just a game” to me.  Learning about American football as a young paisa girl helped me assimilate into a culture I wanted so badly to be a part of.  And of course, it being the Bolts, I had to learn about losing.  It taught me to be resourceful on Sundays that I had to work.  It taught me to be a good sport.  These days it motivates my tired ass to socialize.  The Chargers season starts tomorrow.  I haven’t watched a single preseason game but I will be watching tomorrow, & I will continue to watch on Sundays.  I still want them to win, I wont root for any other team.  Raider fans get to root for the Raiders regardless of what toilet bowl they’re swimming in.  I am mad, yes.  I am butt-hurt, yes.  But this is business, and I don’t know anything about being a gajillionaire.  I’m just an old diehard.  I understand some old skool Charger fans live in other states now, & that makes it easier to transition to another team.  Maybe if we lived somewhere that had an NFC team I’d consider switching too, but for now, you won’t catch #teamavila in another team’s jersey.  Call me crazy but I think Deano will eventually sell & another gajillionaire will move the team back to SD.  Maybe I’m delusional but for now, I’m not gonna stop believin.’